Whimsy & Rage

This is not my usual adoptee content, but this is what has been on my heart lately. I wrote this poem for the Burlington Public Library's Open Mic event.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/644b1b_ab892283e2844c88be26815ad7e0a212/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

I do not know how to hold space for both my whimsy and rage.

Sometimes it feels like my emotions are trapped in this body like a cage.

They each want somewhere to go, where they can be free and expand.

But both are competing for the runway to take off and land.

There is so much to be angry about and yet still so much joy.

So much to create in this world, and also so much to destroy.

Social media is feeding me emotional whiplash each day.

Trending dances and audios, then war zones on display.

The overload of breaking news stories, turning back time.

The lack of consequences for some of the gravest crimes.

Just in the US alone, there are the Epstein files and ICE raids.

Then the global online rape academy and Strait of Hormuz blockades.

But then Artemis II flew by the moon, and we all got a chance to see.

The Earth from afar and how small we are; a reminder of our humanity.

I try to look for the helpers and try harder to hold onto hope.

But the constant unprecedented times make it difficult to cope.

When the problems feel too big, they say to zoom in on the local.

Connect with your community, be a villager, protest, and be vocal.

So here I am speaking at this Burlington Library Open Mic.

Despite the fact that public speaking makes my heart rate spike.

I donate, volunteer, stay informed, and sign the petitions.

But it never feels like enough under these current conditions.

Climate change effects are making our future seem bleak.

Yesterday I planted trees at a carbon sink forest for Earth Week.

I bought from an Indigenous beauty brand, money well spent.

I attended the Hamilton Chinese Association Mahjong event.

I find joy in rock climbing outdoors at Niagara Glen.

And already looking forward to going back there again.

I take in the art along the Burlington Waterfront Sculpture Trail.

I search for the whimsy and fun moments because without fail,

They always remind me of the good that still exists in life.

That a better tomorrow is possible despite today’s strife.

I personally have never been the best at holding space for duality.

But I am trying to help my brain accept this mentality.

To acknowledge both the tragedies as well as the celebrations.

To process the accompanying emotional fluctuations.

I heard that love is measured by our capacity for grief.

I never thought about it like that, but it kind of gives me relief.

To know that the pain is a reflection of how much I care.

And if we are numb or desensitized, we are not able to repair.

So I will continue trying to allow myself to feel it all.

An act of resistance against systems that want me to feel small.

These big feelings are expansive and need somewhere to go.

Therefore, instead of suppression, I am letting them flow.

From my mouth to your ears, from my heart to yours.

I hope my words may open some windows and doors.

To new ways of thinking, connecting and feeling.

To a faith in our ability to work towards collective healing.

We did not come this far to only come this far.

We are capable of so much more because that’s who we are.

We are the advocates, the problem-solvers, the helpers, the writers.

And we cannot do this alone; we need our fellow fighters.

So whatever tool you use, maybe a pen or your voice.

Let us never forget that we always have a choice.

To express ourselves freely, even if not on a stage.

Thank you for holding space today for my whimsy and rage.